Another Day, Another Breakup, Another Blogpost

Break Ups!!!!!! We all go through them. Its a natural part of life, love, and relationships. Unfortunately I'm currently going through the "breakup phase" with my beau. We've been in an "on again off again" relationship for the last two years but we've been back on since June 23, 2011. The thing that bothers me the most about this breakup is that it was so unexpected. I was genuinely happy and so deeply in love that I honestly didn't see it coming. To be honest the reason he broke up with me is so trivial and small that I am pretty shocked things happened that way. He broke up with me because I fell asleep during a Facebook conversation at 3 in the morning. LOL sad right? but whatever.

It happens to the best of us. I'm trying to see the good in his decision and not hold any anger or hostility towards him because I'm so not the type of person to be bitter or have resentment towards anyone. I just think its pointless. I'm obviously a little hurt by what happened but I'm not going to let it make me sad or anything. I'm just going to use this time to work on me. I've been in and out of relationships since I was 15 years old so I just think its time for me to use this as a chance to get myself together. I want to dedicate my new single status to improve myself from the inside out. I just feel like there's so many things that I want to do by myself and for myself so I might as well take advantage of the opportunity this unfortunate situation has created.

Whenever I go through any situation, I always use music as my medicine to make me feel better. The songs that I've been using through this breakup are Deniece Williams Silly, Chrisette Michele Best of me, and Brandy's Brokenhearted. The three of these songs explain my current feelings and what I need to do to make things better during this difficult time. Hopefully things work out for me and if not I've got these songs to express my feelings and give me some kind of comfort and encouragement.

Have you gone through any breakups recently? If so what have you used to get through it?

The one that stands alone

In a room filled with smiles and happy faces, she stands alone, tired of being complacent.While the world around her quickly advances, she stands alone praying for 2nd and third chances. As she see the one's she loves move forward, she stands alone anxiously awaiting her moment.

Standing alone is something new and unfamiliar, for there once was a time where being alone was peculiar. Caps and gowns, degrees and tassels, she stood proudly amongst the crowd as she celebrated commencement. Her day of standing amongst the crowd ended just as quickly as it came. 365 days have gone by and the girl who stands alone has only herself to blame.

No career, no job, no chance at professional and financial advancement, the girl who stands alone feels like she's run out of chances. Smiles and words of comfort are said to the face of the girl who stands alone but behind her back those words turn into stone-As the one's she holds closets talk about bad about the overachieving girl who excelled all her life then graduated college and got lost on her plight.

She's been picked up only to be knocked right back to the ground. The girl who stands alone is a young queen merely in search of her crown.The more time passes by, the girl standing alone no longer asks why. Convinced that today's sorrows will be tomorrows testimony, the girl who stands alone takes pride in the fact that one day she'll find her way to her glory. Until that day comes, the girl who stands alone has a heart filled with peace, humility, and solace with the life everyone was too critical of to acknowledge.

Signed,

The lonely girl that's still standing.

My so called life.

As this week comes to an end, its a stiff reminder of the unfortunate circumstances that surround me. The end of this week means I've gone another 7 whole days without receiving a single job offer or a reply about an internship. The end of this week means the 30+ resumes I've sent out and the ONE job interview I've gone on this week was to no avail. I'm so confused and a few steps away from being depressed. I looked at my resume and started from scratch, because I felt like there may have been some sort of error or stiffness within my resume that made potential employers uninterested. I did research on the retail company I recently applied to before the interview just to make sure I was on my "A game" at the interview. I showed up 15 minutes early and was dressed very appropriately. I smiled, answered questions honestly, and the person interviewing me seemed very impressed. I'm trying to stay optimistic, with hopes that since it's only been a few days since my interview that maybe they'll call, but I just have this gut feeling that they won't.

 I'm not sure what all this rejection that I've been receiving lately means but whatever it is I pray to God that I never have to experience it again. I just want to go back to my normal, overachieving, goal accomplishing ways.  Some people get content with mediocrity but not me! I'm dying of infulfilment(I'm not even sure if that's a word) and I've only been unemployed for a month (but technically I've been on the "job hunt" since my college graduation in May 2011)...

This is sooo not the life I envisioned for my 22 year old self. I always dreamed that I'd be in graduate school or that I'd have a entry level job in my field, financially independent and stable without a care in the world but unfortunately that's not who I am today. The woman I see staring back at me everyday when I look in the mirror is someone I never thought I would ever be. I just always knew that things would be different for me but they are the way they are.

As much as I want to progress in life right now I have to realize that maybe its not me. Maybe its because of the fact that, although the economy is slowly picking up its pace, there are tons of people, many of whom have years of experience, that are applying for the same positions that I am. People with Master degrees and PHD's are willing to take pay cuts just to have a job in their field. Or maybe it is me. Maybe its in the way I've written my resume, or the manner in which I answer questions at an interview. Maybe its my talent, or lack-thereof. Whatever the case I genuinely hope I come to some resolution because I don't know how much more of this stagnant, boring, and miserable period I can handle. I have so many responsibilities now and not being able to fulfill them drive me crazy. I just wish I knew what to do or where to start... Hopefully I figure it out sooner than later or anytime before I lose my sanity.

 

What happens when over-achievers stop achieving?

I come to you today a defeated soul. After receiving another rejection email for a job position that I recently applied to, I am completely clueless about where to turn to next. I keep trying to be optimistic and look on the bright side. I'm 22 years old, a recent college graduate, I have good health, a wonderful support system but the one thing, the biggest thing that's missing in my life is a JOB! When I say job I mean JOB! I'm not expecting or looking for my dream job that comes with a six figure salary, I've been applying to all types of places from retail to administrative and it seems to always have the same end result. Everyday I check my email there's another email praising me for my qualifications but telling me  that I'm not good enough to hire. I've been on this job hunting journey for almost a year and it is really starting to tear down every single piece of self confidence I have in my body! I was always the over achiever in school. From pre-K throughout college I was that kid at the awards ceremony getting acknowledged for something and now its like I'm not achieving anything.((hence the title))

A lot of people around me are very critical of the fact that I'm unemployed and they make a mockery of it. So many times people say "Well what did you go to college for?" "A degree in American Studies & you want to be a journalist? They don't make any money." "You have to try harder to find a job. You're so lazy you only rely on the internet to find jobs." Like really I can go on for days and days about the criticisms people give me for my degree choices and being unemployed but no one really knows what its like to be here, in this uncomfortable, situation. Everyone and their grandmother has some sort of advice for what I'm not doing and what I should be doing but I really have tried just about everything. I'm like two seconds from applying to McDonalds but I learned from my undergrad experience from applying there that I'm "over qualified." Its funny and disheartening at the same time. All the jobs I genuinely want reject me because I am "under qualified." All of the jobs that I apply to out of desperation reject me because I am "over qualified."

Tuhhh Its hard out here for us college grads and I just wish people would cut me some slack. I spend hours a day trying to revamp my resume and applying to jobs on craigslist, careerbuilder, and google but its not coming up with any worthwhile results. I swore to myself that after college I would be in a completely different place that I am in now. I had my mind set that retail was out of the question for me in a completely different way then it is right now. While I was in school, I thought retail after graduation was out of the question because I'd find my ideal job but in reality retail is out of the question for me because of this crappy economy and the fact that no one's really hiring any more.

Whatever diligence and resilience I thought I had is leaving me with every rejection letter I receive. My faith in myself is like non existent at this point. I swear I've never been so insecure in my life. I pray and pray and pray that God shows me the way to whatever he has in store for me. I ask God to give me the strength to get through this very unfortunate phase in my life because without it I know I'm doomed. Its just so hard to keep a positive attitude when things are going so wrong. I've said all this to say what? IDK. I'm just here venting. I've been going through a lot these last couple of weeks, hence my absence. I just figured that I come and update my blog and possibly make myself feel a little bit better but ultimately the only thing that will make me better is a goddamn JOB! lol!

Thanks for sitting through my emotional rant,
Jas

A sneak peek into the Juniverse

Today is a wonderful day! Besides the lovely Spring weather we're experiencing in New York, celebrity stylist June Ambrose's show premiers tonight on Vh1! I absolutely adore June Ambrose! She's beautiful, fashion forward, and has an amazing personality! June Ambrose is responsible for styling celebs like Jay-Z, Diddy, Mariah Carey. She even styled Missy Elliot in her classic "I can't stand the rain" video. Ambrose has had an extremely successful styling career and is also renown author.

Vh1 was generous enough to release the first episode of Styled by June and of course I had to catch it!! Instead of summarizing what happens throughout the episode, I'll give you a chance to see it for yourself!!!! Just click the link below and you'll be able to get a sneak peak into June Ambrose's new show!!! Ahhh don't you just love technology! Sit back, relax, and enjoy as you prepare to enter the JUNIVERSE!!! :)

http://www.vh1.com/video/styled-by-june/full-episodes/mischa-barton/1681001/playlist.jhtml

America, the brave. Willing to fight for everyone but their own.

I come to you today confused and quite disgusted. I just want to know why is it that when there is a big spectacle going on in foreign countries, American citizens rush to their aid when there are similar situations occurring on their home soil? Case in point, the unfortunate murder of Trayvon Martin.On February 26, 2012, 17 year old Trayvon Martin was shot and killed as he walked through his father's gated community in Florida. Martin was shot and killed by 28 year old George Zimmerman. Zimmerman told police officials that Martin looked suspicious and used self defense as an explanation for the shooting. I would normally agree with someone choosing self defense as a plea but there's something a little off here. Martin was dressed in a hoodie and sneakers and carried a bag of skittles candy and Iced Tea. What exactly is suspicious and life threatening about that? To make matters worse, Zimmerman has yet to be charged or arrested with any crime. What's driven me completely crazy about this whole situation is that, there has been very little media coverage regarding the incident.

Last week a documentary hit the web about a long time war brewing in Africa at the hands of Joseph Kony and it became an over night sensation. Hundreds of people rushed to purchase bracelets and tee-shirts, and made donations to support the cause and raise awareness. Almost every Facebook update and twitter status I saw had some opinion about the whole "STOP KONY" phenomena and it bother's me! Although I am completely against what's going on in Africa, I am more concerned about what's going on domestically. A 17 year old child was murdered for carrying candy and tea and that's okay but what's going on a million miles away is what has our attention. Call me shallow but I think we all need to pay close attention to what's going on here in the United States because we're all more likely to experience some level of "racial profiling" than we are to experience the war going on in Africa. Rodney King? Sean Bell? Abner Louima? Amadou Diallo? Trayvon Martin? They've all gone with out documentaries being made, trending topics on twitter, and seem like an unforgotten piece of American History. While we're fighting so hard to protect the rights of thousands of Africans, we need to fight to protect our brothers, sons, husbands, cousins, and friends from being gunned down for being "suspicious."

Another issue I have with the way "we've" been supporting the KONY movement is the fact that children being armed with guns is something that is so alarming to us. Hundreds of teens are murdered everyday in the United States. Six year old Aliyah Shell was shot and killed while she played on her porch with her mother in Chicago. I haven't seen any news about that. Over the weekend there were several more shootings in Chicago, where 10 people were murdered and 39 people were injured. Over a 2 day span at least 49 people were shot! That should be a movement in itself, but in typical American fashion we'll turn the other cheek and worry about what's going on in another country UNTIL we receive the call that one of our loved ones has become another tragic victim and then we'll hope for change.

Don't get me wrong, I think the things that are going on in Africa are terrible BUT I do believe that the atrocities in the country I call home are equally important and deserve the same amount of support and awareness. Loss of life is loss of life, regardless of where it occurs, so that's not my issue. My issue is that people have become so willing to turn their back on their own neighbors to assist someone a million miles away. It's always been acceptable in American society to overlook its own problems while meddling in another countries issues. It doesn't have to be this way. We can make a change at home. We just have to want to.

Ambitious Man

Anybody who knows me knows I love music. Good music can be a catalyst for thought provoking conversation, an inspiration for change, or in this case motivation to write. I absolutely love Wale. If you're unfamiliar, Wale is a rapper from our nations capital, who was once signed to Jay-Z's Roc Nation but is now with Rick Ross' Maybach Music Group. His music is and has always been creative and poetic. && I'm a sucker for some good poetry! Last winter I heard his song Ambitious Girl for the first time and I was hooked. He was basically shouting out all women out their that were in college doing their thing and as a college senior I was like "Hell Yea..it's about time we get some recognition from somebody!" So I automatically fell in love with the song! To my surprise, Wale released a "sequel" to Ambitious Girl entitled Ambitious Girl II featuring R&B singer and fellow Washington D.C. native J.Holiday. Once again Mr. Folarin had me hooked! I was just so thrilled to see a rapper supporting and encouraging women in college because we're often overlooked. One day I was listening to both versions of Ambitious Girls as I was on the phone w/ my beau and he was expressing how he felt overwhelmed with school and all the pressure he went through maintaining good grades and working and I had an epiphany, a bright light bulb moment. I decided to create an ode to all the Ambitious Men out there, because as much as "college girls" are bypassed, African American college educated men are like a figment of someone's imagination, hardly ever acknowledged by the media. So here I am, I decided to share my little poem with you guys. By no means do I consider myself a talented poet, I'm just a girl who found inspiration in a song and tried to do something nice SO be easy with the criticisms. LOL In the words of Erykah Badu, "Keep in mind, I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my shit!" Sit back, relax, and hopefully enjoy... Here goes....((oh yea videos to both versions of Ambitious Girl will follow))

Ambitious Man....

Look at that man. That ambitious black man. Educated and highly motivated, ambitious man this corrupted world could never leave you jaded. Raised on the mean streets of Brooklyn NY or the West Side of the Chi, ambitious man, you know their plan, you know the only way out. They say you have to sell rock or have a wicked jump shot but you know those means usually come to one end. See most dudes around the way can ball and the one's who sell rock end up in the pen. Ambitious man you have the livest jump shot and never had a desire to sell rock. Your need to succeed resembles the dream of Dr. Martin King. Walking with your head held high, so fresh and so clean, ambitious man, your aura beams confidence and self esteem. Sure of your skills on the court and in the class, Lord knows how much kitten you're passed or pass up because every queen knows an educated African American king, with no kids, never been to jail, and never spit a 16 is something far from reality. Dedicated to furthering your career, ambitious man, I understand those early nights when you say "baby you know I love you, you know I care but between school and work I just can't be there."  We may put up a fight, roll our eyes, and suck our teeth but ambitious man, we admire the man you aspire to be. When the pressures of midterms and finals come around, excelling in school never makes you lose your cool. Mr. President of SGA, Mr. King, Mr. Junior.-- Mr. Que Psi Phi, Mr. Phi Nu Pi, Mr too cool to pledge a frat but you know that scholarship, community service and brotherhood is where its at. Mr. A phi A, Mr Royal Blue and Pure White, Student Teacher, Mr. Intern who stays up studying late at night. Mr. Advertising, Mr Graphic Design, I just wanted to take the time to let you know that your ambition blows my mind.