Another Day, Another Breakup, Another Blogpost

Break Ups!!!!!! We all go through them. Its a natural part of life, love, and relationships. Unfortunately I'm currently going through the "breakup phase" with my beau. We've been in an "on again off again" relationship for the last two years but we've been back on since June 23, 2011. The thing that bothers me the most about this breakup is that it was so unexpected. I was genuinely happy and so deeply in love that I honestly didn't see it coming. To be honest the reason he broke up with me is so trivial and small that I am pretty shocked things happened that way. He broke up with me because I fell asleep during a Facebook conversation at 3 in the morning. LOL sad right? but whatever.

It happens to the best of us. I'm trying to see the good in his decision and not hold any anger or hostility towards him because I'm so not the type of person to be bitter or have resentment towards anyone. I just think its pointless. I'm obviously a little hurt by what happened but I'm not going to let it make me sad or anything. I'm just going to use this time to work on me. I've been in and out of relationships since I was 15 years old so I just think its time for me to use this as a chance to get myself together. I want to dedicate my new single status to improve myself from the inside out. I just feel like there's so many things that I want to do by myself and for myself so I might as well take advantage of the opportunity this unfortunate situation has created.

Whenever I go through any situation, I always use music as my medicine to make me feel better. The songs that I've been using through this breakup are Deniece Williams Silly, Chrisette Michele Best of me, and Brandy's Brokenhearted. The three of these songs explain my current feelings and what I need to do to make things better during this difficult time. Hopefully things work out for me and if not I've got these songs to express my feelings and give me some kind of comfort and encouragement.

Have you gone through any breakups recently? If so what have you used to get through it?

The one that stands alone

In a room filled with smiles and happy faces, she stands alone, tired of being complacent.While the world around her quickly advances, she stands alone praying for 2nd and third chances. As she see the one's she loves move forward, she stands alone anxiously awaiting her moment.

Standing alone is something new and unfamiliar, for there once was a time where being alone was peculiar. Caps and gowns, degrees and tassels, she stood proudly amongst the crowd as she celebrated commencement. Her day of standing amongst the crowd ended just as quickly as it came. 365 days have gone by and the girl who stands alone has only herself to blame.

No career, no job, no chance at professional and financial advancement, the girl who stands alone feels like she's run out of chances. Smiles and words of comfort are said to the face of the girl who stands alone but behind her back those words turn into stone-As the one's she holds closets talk about bad about the overachieving girl who excelled all her life then graduated college and got lost on her plight.

She's been picked up only to be knocked right back to the ground. The girl who stands alone is a young queen merely in search of her crown.The more time passes by, the girl standing alone no longer asks why. Convinced that today's sorrows will be tomorrows testimony, the girl who stands alone takes pride in the fact that one day she'll find her way to her glory. Until that day comes, the girl who stands alone has a heart filled with peace, humility, and solace with the life everyone was too critical of to acknowledge.

Signed,

The lonely girl that's still standing.

My so called life.

As this week comes to an end, its a stiff reminder of the unfortunate circumstances that surround me. The end of this week means I've gone another 7 whole days without receiving a single job offer or a reply about an internship. The end of this week means the 30+ resumes I've sent out and the ONE job interview I've gone on this week was to no avail. I'm so confused and a few steps away from being depressed. I looked at my resume and started from scratch, because I felt like there may have been some sort of error or stiffness within my resume that made potential employers uninterested. I did research on the retail company I recently applied to before the interview just to make sure I was on my "A game" at the interview. I showed up 15 minutes early and was dressed very appropriately. I smiled, answered questions honestly, and the person interviewing me seemed very impressed. I'm trying to stay optimistic, with hopes that since it's only been a few days since my interview that maybe they'll call, but I just have this gut feeling that they won't.

 I'm not sure what all this rejection that I've been receiving lately means but whatever it is I pray to God that I never have to experience it again. I just want to go back to my normal, overachieving, goal accomplishing ways.  Some people get content with mediocrity but not me! I'm dying of infulfilment(I'm not even sure if that's a word) and I've only been unemployed for a month (but technically I've been on the "job hunt" since my college graduation in May 2011)...

This is sooo not the life I envisioned for my 22 year old self. I always dreamed that I'd be in graduate school or that I'd have a entry level job in my field, financially independent and stable without a care in the world but unfortunately that's not who I am today. The woman I see staring back at me everyday when I look in the mirror is someone I never thought I would ever be. I just always knew that things would be different for me but they are the way they are.

As much as I want to progress in life right now I have to realize that maybe its not me. Maybe its because of the fact that, although the economy is slowly picking up its pace, there are tons of people, many of whom have years of experience, that are applying for the same positions that I am. People with Master degrees and PHD's are willing to take pay cuts just to have a job in their field. Or maybe it is me. Maybe its in the way I've written my resume, or the manner in which I answer questions at an interview. Maybe its my talent, or lack-thereof. Whatever the case I genuinely hope I come to some resolution because I don't know how much more of this stagnant, boring, and miserable period I can handle. I have so many responsibilities now and not being able to fulfill them drive me crazy. I just wish I knew what to do or where to start... Hopefully I figure it out sooner than later or anytime before I lose my sanity.